everyone in general

i told my friend tonight,

i'm not angry with her. or anyone specifically, i'm just angry with everyone in general.

and i go between these two states, of being at peace with the world, naive that way, i guess. and wanting to be a meanie, but i just can't bring myself to it. shucks. but maybe that is for the best.

so i come home and try to just be good to my people, which i fail at on a regular basis, try to cut myself some slack, which i also, fail at regularly. and so i am left with what is.

i can't exactly quantify it, but give me some time and it may congeal into a poem.

the excavator brought his chick in tonight. and she was vibing me out again. i was way busy, so i placed her cup down firmly, which may or may not have been interpreted as me being a bitch.

and i've come to the conclusion that i may just be a bitch. at least i know this, i'm a difficult woman. thorny as the day is long.

very few can handle me and the truth is, i don't want to be handled. i want to be met kind for kind, mano y mano, hold your ground and i'll hold mine.

but i don't know. time to pop some bendadryl and start reading. two hour meeting with the boss tomorrow and a shift i volunteered for like an idiot.

tonight as he was taking over from me, he said,

see how things happen and you don't get everything done before you leave?

i said to him,

but i didn't leave the sink full of dishes and the garbage overflowing in the backroom. and, i didn't get a lunch.

he then tells me i should have taken it earlier, i should have told him, i should have done a lot of things differently, i guess.

but i'm still learning. and since last night i worked through my lunch instead of actually lunching, i decided to wait for a proper lunch today. it never came. people showed up who were not on the schedule and i was told i should have taken the lunch at 3pmish. he is probably right, i am probably wrong.

but, it was a failure of foresight on my part. what can i say?

i'm tired. long day ahead tomorrow, but at least, and the very fucking least, it involves horses.

and so, i will make it.

pollyanna is very sick, and it sucks because she's the other closer. and i am going to get saddled with a lot of closing now. i don't know. i just don't know.

i guess i need this job. i'm still trying to decide on that one. i like the company. the pay is decent. not really, but it will serve. and, perhaps i can transfer after six months. perhaps i can move to my little dive in the country. perhaps i can do a lot of things i couldn't before.

i gots bills to pay and no time to be out job hunting.

peace.out.