no, i can't.

there are so many things clamoring for my attention. some of them valid, some of them necessary, many of them essential.

i watched my sister wear herself to a nub meeting her family's needs. she's an amazing mom. but i can only do what i can do.

i keep telling my acquaintances, i'm just too busy, and saying no. i know there are things i need to tend to, but i just can't get to them. they have to wait.

i was up until 1am after i finished my schoolwork last night, and while it's just paperwork, it is critical to the forward movement of my study, that i get it done. it was actually due today, but i like to get things off my plate ASAP.

just that i feel terrible not being everything to everyone who needs something, and they're not asking me to be everything, just one thing, just the thing they need. trouble is. if i don't say no now, i won't be able to do the things that are essential to my life.

they say if you tackle the big things first, the little things find a way to slip in around the edges and i'm not opposed to that idea.

it's just that the big things take everything i got. i only worked out once this week because i forced myself to. and to me, excercise is one of those must do things. but some weeks, like this one, i let myself off the hook to make time for say, laundry. i may squeeze in the gym in about a half hour, but that still brings me up to only two workouts.

we do the best we can.

and saying no is getting easier.

if people can figure it out, fine. if they give up on me, so be it. but i can't stop tending to my essentials to take care of their non-essentials. the way i see it is, if something is essential you make it happen, no matter what. if it is not, you don't. i can't make something essential, though the burden keeps falling back in my lap, i try to just keep moving forward and not pick up anyone else's baggage along the way.

peace. out.