'twas the night before

the riding show, and all through the house, little girls were beaming and feeling butterflies in their tummies.

my daughter looks beautiful. she is beautiful, but she's radiant tonight.

we've worked so hard to get here. so much has happened this week, she's lived a lifetime in this short timespan from sunday. she's shed many tears, lost a lot of childhood. i don't know how that happens exactly, but when you find out your life will be irrevocably changed by the two key people in your life taking separate roads, it's bound to blow whatever remants of childhood are left out the window.

but when i called her last night to say good night (it was early, but i didn't get off work until 11pm, and i can't exactly call my friend's house at that hour), i could hear her laughing and splashing in the pool with her new bffl.

and i was grateful.

for all the trials of this week, i have this strange, uncanny feeling that it will all work out well. the truth has never failed me yet. things don't often get easier when truth bangs down the doors of denial, but they often take heavy loads i've been lugging around off my shoulders, and so it has.

and so it has.

driving to work yesterday, feeling a bit lost because i didn't have a child to chase down or tend to before leaving, i left early for work. way early, but figured, no worries, i can catch up with the kids when i get there. good thing i left early because my main cross over road was closed. i didn't know what to do. after a few unsuccessful attempts (my internal navigation is the bomb, but new jersey roads SUCK!), i found a postman who gave me awesome directions. delivering me to work in a timely fashion.

i found that route again tonight when i went in, and as i left, at 10pm, the alternate road was closed.

i was in utter disbelief, so i went around the sign. how could they tear apart the road in just the few hours i'd been at work? incredulous, i drove until i could drive no more, then turned around.

i went back the old way, and it was open.

it must be a metaphor for life,

i told my sister.

she laughed. but i wonder.

i'm tired. my back slightly aching. but my heart is lighter than it has been for aeons. and i'm ready to move forward. to find my way in the dark.

and, i'm grateful.