it's cold, inside and out.

the chill has officially returned. i'm grateful for it. it's been a long hot summer, and cool is good.

i had to have a long talk with my kiddo yesterday, i needed her to know how i foresaw a few things goin' down. we both cried.

i came home after belly dance, to a red-eyed child.

she sat up late with me, and told me what was wrong, and i must say, i didn't think the old man had it in him. touche. it seems the basis of his appeal hinges on me going back with them, and i simply won't. i can't. i've given up everything for this man too many times to do it again. i explained this to my girl whom i'm not sure understood.

there just is no easy way to put it, and it makes her life more difficult. ultimately, moms take the hit and the kids don't even realize it. i'm not sure what will happen. it would require me to quit my job most likely, and i'm just not ready to do that. not willing. not that my job is the bomb, but, i've done it so many times already. how much do i have to leave before i just get to do what matters to me?

not sure. i have no answers for that.

i just held her while she cried and tried to tell her it will be alright. not easy, but it will work out.

she asked me what to do, and i said,

i can't answer that question for you, because i'm not you.

i never want her to feel i've made a decision for her. and she's of the age where she can make the decision herself. but what its coming to is hard for anyone, especially a child.

i went to belly dance last night, with my favorite instructor. she busted out all the technical moves i love her for. and we do them for a stretch of time so you body is tired, your everything is dripping in sweat, and we just keep going.

she's truly amazing.

i've been apartment hunting, and that's a sobering experience. so far, nothing i can afford. it's kind of a bummer, but it's not pressing just yet. but i have a feeling, soon, very soon, it will be.

peace. out.