foul mood

tonight was just bad. anyway you slice it, except i worked with the sweetest kid, whom i feel entirely comfortable with and he eases some of the rough patches for me. he tells me i do the same for him, so it's nice to have that kind of companionship at work. especially when people are splitting hairs over fucking coffee.

though we didn't have too many difficult customers, this one guy, whom i really like as far as customers go, wanted the kid to just give him one dollar instead of 99 cents change.

when the kid hesitated, the guy said, you're

not going to just give me the dollar?

the kid said,

no, i'm sorry.

and the guy turns to me.

are you going to give me the penny?

i have to go get it out of my wallet,

i said (do these people not realize how very little we are paid?) like we can just pull shit out of our till and it not reflect in the deposit. yeah, that's smart.

so the guy says,

just pull it out of here.

meaning TIPS.

no fucking way! i said,

just look on the floor, there are always pennies on the floor.

and i walked around the counter, and true enough, he was standing amidst three shiney coppers.

so i pick one up, and say,

there they were right there.

and he said,

that's beside the point.

i said,

well, if people only tip 2 cents (and some do), a penny is a lot from the tip jar,

and we just don't take anything out of tips because it is the team's money. so i see the quandry this kid was in. and i wasn't about to give this customer shit for all the hassle he was causing.

see, i don't think people realize, we have shit to do. tasks to accomplish. when you tie up the employees, two of them over a fucking penny, we are losing time.

it could be argued, i should have just pulled the penny out of the till, but i don't want this kid to start that habit on my watch.

so i said to the guy,

it's just a penny.

exactly,

he says.

whatever, keep your fucking money. i say. and he finally left. that whole ordeal took about five minutes of my time and i was pretty baffled by it.

another guy, i guess he thought he was being cute says,

here,

and tosses his trash at me. wadded up and expected me to catch it and deposit it in the trash can.

i watched the ball of trash hit the ground and i said,

you want me to throw that away for you?

and he said,

i thought you'd catch it.

why would i?

if some stranger says here, and proceeds to toss something, i'm not inclined to catch it.

call me crazy. but there it is.

he apologized. i threw his trash away, but what a prick.

so, all the while, i've got the voice of the oppressor in my head. and i wanted to just cry the night away, but i couldn't.

i needed the voice of kindness tonight. and that came in the person of the kid i worked with. and so i had to let him and his postive energy reach me.

but it was hard.

it is hard.

and when all the distractions have died down, and i lie down in the dark cold i must fight my own battles. ride out my own storm. it is all i can do. there is no hero, there is no knight where i live, in my home.

it's all cold and dark and i am alone.