same ol' same ol'

nearly midnight, bullriding is on, i have schoolwork to do. but tonight my back slightly aches, and i'm not exactly sure why.

so i'll try to take it easy tomorrow, as i have the day off. but still, much, too much to do.

i want to be in the dusty worn leather world of cowboys, that is where i want to be. not here. but here is the reality.

there's this line from a dave matthews song that goes:

what i want, i ain't got.
what i need, is all around me.

so maybe that's it. which has essentially been the story of my life. not that i'm looking to undo what i done, by no --NO-- means, never. i'm ready for freedom and what cometh with it.

mostly, i just want peace. that's all i keep requesting.

it won't be long before i'm moved up, or at least put on that track. it will happen. and i have to decide to go with it or no.

my business saavy friend and counsellor would say, do it. do it now.

and i will still hem and haw. there is much, too much going on at the moment and it's a lot more responsibility. like i need any more of that.

i think if maybe i had a few body doubles, i could accomplish everything i'm wanting to do. for now, i am accomplishing only what i'm able. one thing at a time. but many taken together.

i always have one eye to the sky, saw five hawks on my way to work today. it has been a great while since that has happened.

and one ear to the ground, listening for the footfalls that will finally come. someday come.

in the meantime, i try to keep from the darkness and focus on tasks at hand.

it is well. it is all well and good.

peace.