hypocrisy

i'll be the first to admit my hypocrisy. i wish i didn't have any, but i do. we all do. and mine, when it is pointed out, is just as ugly as the next guy's. but i'm grateful it is pointed out, because it makes me remember that i'm not where i want to be.

this guy came into work who some of the kids laugh at, he was talking to me about zen and the path to enlightenment.

i told him,

yeah, i keep falling off that path.

(which is painfully true)

and he says,

there is no mapped route.

which was a marvelous comfort.

he had once said,

the universe is a rock.

or something simliar. and my young coworker was telling me this. and i told her how you can say anything to me, and i won't just dump it. i'll consider it. maybe the universe is a rock, who knows? and she shook her head and laughed.

i don't know. and i'm genuinely cool with that. we're all just fumbling through and when i hear only good stuff, i know it's delusion. there is always something to be worked on, worked through. the trick is, not diminishing the good for the sake of cynicism. i have a way of fingerprinting and otherwise smearing the freshly polished silver goblet to such an extent it looks like nothing was done.

but even in that metaphor, i wonder, is not that use? are we not supposed to fingerprint and handle the things we employ in our daily lives? yes, but what does that have to do with anything?

i'm just saying, there are so many ways to view one thing. the angles are truly endless. it does not make indiscretion right. neither does it make hypocrisy right. but i realize my flaws thanks to those souls willing to point them out, and, well, i try to reckon with them (the flaws that is. the people come and go of their own accord).

much to do, then work. just like everyone else.
i'm no different. and that has not really been the point.
i'm not saying her, oh my life is so unique. no. that has never been my intention.
and i will kill it soon enough.

but for now, it is where i chew the cud. and, i will not apologize for any of my foolish rants, because, they are mine. and i am entitled to them. my opinions may be wrong, but that is the glory of having peopled lives, we learn from each other. we grow. at least i hope we do.

i'll try to do different today then yesterday. and let the rest go.

peace. out.