too bold, too bold

my prof sends this journal of his time in another country, and today, as i read it, i was striken by some of the language. some of the perceptions, and, true to form, i had to call him on it. i just see it so differently, though having read only his words, it's hard to get a grasp of the entire picture. diction says a lot though.

i have been granted a second day in a row off, for which i'm grateful. my boss is trying to save in overtime, and so, voila. i am granted a reprieve, i was supposed to read at an open tonight, but my girl needs me to take her to the pool. and so we shall go swim. i'm not needed there anyway, so i'm told. so, i shall not fret about it. i'll just let it go for now. it's been something i've been going back and forth over for some time. but i just don't have the strength or gana to fight about it. it's better for me to just walk away.

with this stretch of time, i need to knock out two more books and do some writing. then, i'm primed to turn in another packet early, as soon as i can get my critical paper written. my prof is steering me toward writing a critical paper on belly dancing, but that is not my aim. i will not use it as the center piece of the paper, but rather, as a run in thread.

i am going to focus on my original idea of creativity, rather than just the history of belly dance (boring). i have at least one more academic book on creativity and a couple others i can delve into and then i'm done.

all except the dance. i still have to perform a dance. there is this zep song that would work perfectly for a dance, i need to show you. i've been listening to it for awhile and i see a dance in my head, and i was telling my instructor last night,

i see whole dances in my head. it's just about getting them to come out of my body.

when the levee breaks by led zeppelin


i think, i just need to start dancing. to let myself go and just dance to get it out. then i hit this zone where everything disappears, and i am free to dance, to become the dance. this is the space i seek. i have not found it yet, with belly dancing. other kinds of dance are easier to slip into the moments of time when i'm out and about. this one, not so much.

but i will, i must, let myself become the dance.

and so i shall.