home

i keep wondering how i could possibly make this home a home for anyone if it is not a home to and for me. curious, how that works.

and it makes me sad to say that's how it is, but it is.

after a screamfest with my husband, the first we've had in a great while, i'm sitting here wondering what it means to have a home. a place of peace.

for now, this is it. and i wish it were otherwise. this is not a happy place for me. which is why i work as much as possible nights and weekends. i would simply rather not be here.

with the clock ticking down on my time at my current place, it's quite a nice feeling. that i will soon be on a new journey, a new adventure. and the word at the store is, the place is doomed when i leave. no one really knows or cares about the details of the place. and those who do have a bit of a clue and want to keep their job are woefully outnumbered by those who don't.

it's a tough spot. my encouragement to the others is, finish any training you are in the midst of, and be ready for whatever may come.

the assistant store manager said to me tonight,

everyone working there should keep their eye on the employment ads, that's for sure.

which is a sad truth. i had thought the store would absorb the employees of this joint, but that doesn't seem a high priority.

all i can do is the best i can do while i'm there.

and then, i come home to utter and complete frustration. i'd rather be working. at least i'm getting paid to put up with the bullshit.

riding camp all next week, so my girl and i will be much at the farm. we've not volunteered for extra work this time, which i'm grateful for, i've just got to take some time and rest.

before the rush and hurry of my summer class begins.

i must remind myself to rest. or attempt it anyway.

peace. out.