invitations

that i've been asked to explore the possibility of another mfa program is really wonderful. my current prof, who is now my former prof (he just returned my final packet with his blessing on the road, and not before issuing a gracious invitation to do my master's work with him).

i am considering it.

the other program i am considering is a regular residency program which would require me to be present there and i just don't know how that would be possible. though i really want to study under the matriarch.

another program i'll consider is in philly, but i don't plan on moving to philly, so it would be a stretch.

who knows, maybe i'll just apply and see what happens. alternately, i can stay with my current school, but i'm not sure i want to do that. who knows. i hear it's competitive. we'll see. maybe i should just apply to them all and decide later.

that sounds like a good idea, and for lack of a better plan, i'll go with it. i guess i need to start that process now, since i'll be ready by fall '09.

such terrible wonders.

the sun was wonderfully warm today. and i lay beside my friend and we baked a bit in preparation for our day at the beach next week.

there are very few people i want to spend entire days with. very few people i can tolerate (or can tolerate me, for that long--believe me, i know i'm no peach).

but when you hit it, you hit it.

and tomorrow after work, i'll go watch a movie with her and her hubby, then away to the farm.

the decompression time is nice. and i love them, i really do. they do wonders for my soul. they remind me what it's like to be in a family. and that, no matter what, it's all right. whatever happens, there's always somewhere to turn.

i need that kind of compassionate companionship.

she sent me home with an armload of books today, things she's been hauling around for a great while. i didn't need them, but one or two might even work for next semester's study which i'm getting excited about.

i know the theme of it all ready, and the focal point, where i'm headed. how to get there is the key. i just have to trust the right books will present themselves. that is all i've ever done.

and then, that time will conspire in my favor to bring my essay, my culminating essay, my myriad poetry projects, my belly dance, to fruition with the wonderment i see in my mind.

i have great ideas. so many i can hardly keep up with them.

now just to execute them. and at the same time, keep the ball rolling, the plates spinning on their poles. it's not an illusion, it's real.

and it's time to move forward.

that my prof didn't entirely hate everything i wrote, that he actually had positive (even negative feedback, as long as it's honest, is beneficial), things to say, is some comfort. but i have not changed. i think my work just came full circle in his eyes and i finally produced what he was wanting to see.

perhaps that is what makes us think better and larger of others. that they somehow live up to our expectations. however whack that thinking is, i don't think it too far from the truth. what else do we have in these little minds we carry around, but ideas, expectation, and a fist full of experience.

how do we see the world? through our own tainted lenses.

what has truly changed in my work, nothing from my perspective.

what has changed in my work from his perspective, everything.

which is it? both and neither, i'd say.

perhaps we just found a groove. the same station to relay our varying frequencies. and somehow the words broke through and became distinguishable.

yes, i think that is very close to it.

i've grown cynical about relations and understanding apparently.

peace. out.