must do

sometimes we simply must do what we must. big things going on. big decisions.

i spoke with a woman who said,

don't be afraid to make the decisions, look forward to getting to choose from every option.

i hadn't quite seen it that way, as overwhelmed as i was feeling. i was more innundated by the endless options, and just wanted someone to say,

do this.

it's easy to defer sometimes, then, one doesn't have to take responsibility for the way things turn out. that's the bottom line. but now, i have to take responsibility because i am the only one deciding. me alone. and that's okay. it's time.

i must to work, to begin a busy day. but i'm grateful for the distraction. sometimes work and the endless routine of it, the mindless tedium presents itself like a beacon of light. and i go there, to feel safe.

mostly, i'm just moving in a direction and this is one of the steps on the road to my future. i look forward to it. but i must learn the lessons of today.